After my last doctor's visit we decided to increase my Mepron to 2x week. This is a good thing and a bad thing. The good part is that hopefully I will be done with this awful disease by April, as planned. The bad part is that I am REALLY struggling everyday now. Lately, I have had this thought that the act of living is very difficult these days...to wake up in the morning is a battle, to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom is painful, to collect my thoughts as to what I need to accomplish that day makes me cry because I am so exhausted...you get the picture! I am trying to think positively and have hope that this will all be over soon but the hopelessness is winning these days. The thought of having to go back to work makes me hyperventilate because I can't imagine trying to work with the way I feel right now. But my mom and boyfriend keep reminding me that I don't have to go to work right now so I shouldn't worry about it. And I will only go back to work when I am ready. But right now I can't see the light at the end of the the tunnel. I'm lost in the twists and the turns and I feel like I keep bumping into the wall.
I am writing this blog today because I am grasping on to that last shred of hope that this feeling will pass. And I need a written reminder to myself that it is the increase in Mepron that is making me feel so hopeless. The increase in Mepron and crappy feelings are a GOOD thing! It means the end is near! Take it one day at a time and just keep breathing. So here is my "Make Margaritas" inspiration for today: This saying is written on the wall of my IV treatment room Accept each day just as it comes to you. Do not waste your time and energy wishing for a different set of circumstances. Instead, trust God enough to yield to His design and purposes.