When I first got diagnosed with Babesia I thought...this really sucks! Well, Babesia just slapped me in the face and said, "You silly girl! You ain't seen nothing yet!" Ever since Christmas, I have taken a turn for the worse. I seriously thought I was beginning to go crazy! I started to become highly emotional, crying at the drop of a hat for no particular reason, and everyday it got increasingly worse. Then I started having days where my brain just wasn't functioning. I couldn't complete a thought, I was dizzy, I lost the ability to drive, I had a dull headache all the time, I was nauseous, and sometimes I felt completely drunk even though I had not had a drop of alcohol! Luckily I had a doctor's appointment scheduled with my Lyme doc and she explained what was happening. Apparently, my Babesia has reached a critical point and is beginning to die off which is causing me to have Hypoxia (deprivation of oxygen to the brain). Therefore, I am NOT going crazy! However, it does mean that my world has been flipped upside down. I am no longer able to work and I have to go in for IV therapy of Zithromax and Antioxidants 2x week. This is causing all kinds of stressors that I am not handling very well despite everything else. With having to take unpaid medical leave for 3 months, how am I going to pay my bills? How do the rest of you do this? Applying for disability can take up to 2 years to get approved!!! So many things are up in the air and not knowing where I am going to get money from is killing me slowly. I break down crying multiple times a day over this and the frustration of not having a fully functional brain right now. The fatigue is so extreme right now I cry because I'm so tired. So, basically everything makes me cry right now. I just feel like a big, fat mess!
BUT....I've defeated Lyme and I can defeat Babesia too! So here is my "Make Margaritas" inspiration for today:
From the bitterness of disease man learns the sweetness of health.
- Catalan Proverb
There is a lesson to be learned from illness and although I haven't quite figured out my personal lesson yet, I will be grateful for the wisdom gained! :)