I have been dreading posting this follow up because I do not want to come to grips with all the sadness. But it is time to face reality, so here we go... *Deep Breath*
1. The "infuriating and out of control" situation I mentioned in my last post only became MORE infuriating and out of control. After a long fight, my LLMD gave up the battle and handed over her medical license. The insurance companies came after her and she had to do what was best for her family. She is a BRILLIANT Lyme doctor! People would travel from all over the world to be treated by her. I am devastated! There are so little Lyme Literate Doctors out there and the insurance companies are trying to make it so that there are NONE! I wish I knew how to make this STOP! This is complete madness!
2. In other sad news, at my last appointment with my LLMD, I found out that my Babesia was NOT gone :( In fact, I started having a flare up of severe symptoms again and had to restart all of my treatment again. It's like I am back at step 1 and the past year was just a waste of time and money. I have had to take baby steps getting back in to a treatment routine because I was so furious and just wanted to give up. One of the things I hate most about this disease, is how I will improve greatly and take 5 steps forward, then I will have a setback and take 20 steps back. The constant back and forth makes my already terrible anxiety go through the roof!!! So many times I have gotten my hopes up, thinking I am getting better, just to have my dreams shattered and end up having to stay in bed for 5 days because I am so sick.
3. On a side note, I am getting my Master's in Human Services through an online University. It allows me to have bad days and still be able to get my work done on time. All I want is to help people. I would love to somehow open up a treatment center for Lymie's and offer all kinds of therapies. Have multiple Lyme Literate Practitioners under one roof. A one stop shop for all things Lyme. I dream of this, I yearn for this, I pray for this! I bargain with God to heal me just so I can pay it forward and help others. It keeps me up at night! I do not understand why someone who has so much life experience and knowledge in chronic illness cannot just move on and help other people. I feel like my life is being wasted. But I am sure I am not alone in these feelings and that is why there is a thing called faith! We have to believe that there is purpose to all this madness. We have to hang on to the idea that good things come to those who wait. So today, I will end with this very appropriate and sanity saving "Make Margaritas" inspiration: