Follow up post to "Are We There Yet?"

I have been dreading posting this follow up because I do not want to come to grips with all the sadness.  But it is time to face reality, so here we go... *Deep Breath*

1. The "infuriating and out of control" situation I mentioned in my last post only became MORE infuriating and out of control.  After a long fight, my LLMD gave up the battle and handed over her medical license.  The insurance companies came after her and she had to do what was best for her family.  She is a BRILLIANT Lyme doctor!  People would travel from all over the world to be treated by her.  I am devastated!  There are so little Lyme Literate Doctors out there and the insurance companies are trying to make it so that there are NONE!  I wish I knew how to make this STOP! This is complete madness!

2. In other sad news, at my last appointment with my LLMD, I found out that my Babesia was NOT gone :(  In fact, I started having a flare up of severe symptoms again and had to restart all of my treatment again.  It's like I am back at step 1 and the past year was just a waste of time and money.  I have had to take baby steps getting back in to a treatment routine because I was so furious and just wanted to give up.  One of the things I hate most about this disease, is how I will improve greatly and take 5 steps forward, then I will have a setback and take 20 steps back.  The constant back and forth makes my already terrible anxiety go through the roof!!!  So many times I have gotten my hopes up, thinking I am getting better, just to have my dreams shattered and end up having to stay in bed for 5 days because I am so sick.

3. On a side note, I am getting my Master's in Human Services through an online University.  It allows me to have bad days and still be able to get my work done on time.  All I want is to help people.  I would love to somehow open up a treatment center for Lymie's and offer all kinds of therapies.  Have multiple Lyme Literate Practitioners under one roof.  A one stop shop for all things Lyme.  I dream of this, I yearn for this, I pray for this!  I bargain with God to heal me just so I can pay it forward and help others.  It keeps me up at night!  I do not understand why someone who has so much life experience and knowledge in chronic illness cannot just move on and help other people.  I feel like my life is being wasted.  But I am sure I am not alone in these feelings and that is why there is a thing called faith!  We have to believe that there is purpose to all this madness.  We have to hang on to the idea that good things come to those who wait.  So today, I will end with this very appropriate and sanity saving "Make Margaritas" inspiration:

Are We There Yet???

 When things are infuriating and out of your control, you have two choices:

1. Give in to the fear and insanity, cry your eyes out, have a full blown panic attack, and then hide under your covers forever...

OR

2. When you are done with choice #1, (haha) you make the decision to take all that anger and let it motivate you to make a change.

I wish I could elaborate on my situation more, and hopefully in a future post I can, but just know I am done with choice #1.  I am praying that God leads me to the purpose behind this terrible situation so that I can help others.  If you find it in your heart, please join me in praying that I find the meaning in the madness.  Thank you!

On to better news, I saw my LLMD recently and she said my blood work was PERFECT!  This is the first time that my CO2 level was normal!!!  This means that I am no longer hypoxic!  I can definitely feel the difference.  We are still waiting on the results of my ECP test (Babesia level) but she said that the fact that my CO2 level is normal is a good indicator that my Babesia is either low or gone!  Oh how I pray that it is GONE!  But she said something very important in my appointment that I was glad that she said in front of my husband.  If it turns out that my Babesia is gone, it will still take 1-2 years for me to completely recover.  Babesia is a serious disease that has reeked havoc on my body for over a year.  Just like any other damage to your body, it takes time to for the body to heal.  This is a good reminder for me as I start to feel better that I need to take it easy and not push myself too hard.  When we have good days we often want to take advantage of that and push our bodies to the limit.  Then of course we pay for it for days afterwards.  Baby steps! 

If I am free of Babesia, I still have a ways to go to get my life back.  Right now I am focusing on getting my circadian rhythm back on the right track.  Being in the right sleep pattern is SO important!  I'll say it again...baby steps!  I won't deny that the path to recovery is LONG and painful, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

So, my "Make Margaritas" inspiration for today is:
"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy- I'm telling you it's going to be worth it." ~Art Williams