I was in so much pain and had such extreme fatigue at the beginning of this week all I could do was cry and cry and cry and cry some more. And then magically, I woke up Thursday and felt like I was a brand new person! No pain, no fatigue! WTF?! I don't understand how the heck it does that? When I'm feeling good, I gain all this ground at work and in my social life and then when I get knocked down by the wrecking ball, I could take a good 5 steps backward. Luckily, I have a job that is being super supportive, but there are definitely times that I just want to give up and go on disability.
I have such high and probably unrealistic expectations of my friends and family when I am going through a difficult time. But it is only because I feel soooo alone, like no one cares and no one understands. Just because I say I can't hang out or I have to cancel plans, doesn't mean I don't like you anymore or that I'm being flakey. No one gets that! The way I feel can change in an instant! I'll be having a good day and then all the sudden I crash with extreme fatigue, or I become achy all over like I have the flu. Trust me, I would much rather be out there having fun with you then sitting at home crying because once again, I don't feel well. And all I ask is that you check in with me every once in a while....really, come on...is that too much to ask of my friends? I cannot tell you how much it means to me when someone asks, "how are you feeling?" OR says, "I've been thinking about you and hope you are doing well" It gives me that little glimmer of hope that I haven't been forgotten. That is truly my biggest fear...that my friends will give up on me because I'm not "Fun Sarah" anymore and they will move on and make new friends who are more fun, not sick, and who don't cancel plans.
But here is my "Make Margaritas" inspiration for the day...take it one day at time, that is all anyone can do. And you are not alone, even if all of your friends and family have abandoned you, reach out to other Lyme/Babesia patients...we are all struggling right along with you! And most importantly, we can relate to what you are going through! Much Love!